im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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