she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
