I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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