I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
