i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
