He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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