My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
