Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
