So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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