just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
