TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
