how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
