i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
