i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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