I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
