oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
