then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize