You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
