Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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