Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
