I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
