I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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