Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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