Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
