I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
