some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You're like the curious george of whores
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
