The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
