true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
