You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
