here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
