btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
