I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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