we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
