I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
