Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
