We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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