90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
