i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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