"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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