Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize