I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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