Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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