Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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