well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
