I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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