so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
