I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
