i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
