I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
