we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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