I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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