I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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