I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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