I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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