How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
