Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
