woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
