Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
