well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
