I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
