i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
