The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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