you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
