This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Are my feet made of real feet?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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