Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
