call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
