I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are we still banned from the library?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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