never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
