Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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