Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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