Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
