dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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