One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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