Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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