Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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