Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
