I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
