College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
