Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
