I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
