Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
