Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
where am i from again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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