Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
