this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
