that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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