I hate all girls vehemently.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
