: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
