even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
